today thurs..

went to c a doc.. n she said i might be having anxiety disorder n mild depression..

cheryl is scared..

she tryin to fake her smile after cing doc n she succeed..

cheryl is realli scared..

hw i wish darling is beside me now.. hw i wish i have darling to talk to.. cheryl got alot alot alot of tings n feeling to say..

hw i wish darling is beside me now.. cheryl realli nid someone to hug n cry.. i realli miss u..

cheryl now dun like work dun like b alone.. but somehw she rather go work den bein alone..

cing doc again in 3 wks time but she scared.. n tis time rd she is gg alone.. cox she knew forever she cant hav ppl acc her.. she knew forever darling cant b acc her..

i realli miss u..darling.. i realli hope u r here for me to hug n cry...

cheryl realli nid someone to let her hug n cry...

when den i can hear frm u darling..

fear..

the med she eat.. make her feel like puking now.. hai .. again...

today is wed.. n thr goes darling 3rd day in army..

sry darling.. cheryl fail today.. cheryl has been tryin hard to b strong for the past few days n she did.. succeed for 3 days without crying..

n today.. cheryl failed.. hw i wish my darling was here to talk to me .. to hear me talk.. to let me cry to..

cheryl feel so lonely.. so lost.. tt she jus wanna cry..

tmr cing doctor.. but cheryl feels scared... she wanted to c a doc but she feel scared.. dun tink tt she feel comfortable saying out tings infront of a stranger..

cheryl suceed in keeping herself in gd status for 3 day.. but she jus failed today... she jus so wanna be alone nw.. so she off her hp.. cox she dun wanna disturb ppl .. de onli way to does tt is to off her hp n keep herself away frm others.. i m realli nt feeling alright..

guess today cheryl should jus force herself to slp early but den she will wake up early if she does so.. n she fear wad will her feeling be like when she wake up tmr..

cheryl so wanna go for drink.. tinking should she sneak out of the hse at night when her parent r slping to go drink.. realli realli realli feel like...

everyday cheryl will jus look at the sky.. tinking wads darling is doin now... is darling okie.. is he xing ku in the forest.. bcox she totally has no idea hw he is doin.. worrying does nt help.. the onli ting tt she could do is jus to wait till fri or sat.. cox she dun even noe when darling bookin out..

looking at the sky outside now.. tinking wad is he doin.. worrying tt his rashes may get worst.. doc say is fungal infection.. all she can do is jus to look at the sky n tinking wad is he doin.. n wondering hw is he...

so wanted to travel.. but can she? she noe she will enjoy herself n be happy when she travel.. but darling in army.. dun even noe can travel nt.. hai if nt wrong muz sign someting.. well.. i guess i jus better dun put too much hope..

realli nt feeling okie.. should i go for a drink ltr? but i noe my gastic dun allow.. hmmm..but i realli wanna...

today tues .. my darling 3rd day in field camp..

cheryl successfully din cry for 2 days.. cox she control.. n guess i m too tired...

hai my preceptor jus msg me say she off today.. ahhhh... all da best to me.. haha... well hope i dun get too stress up..

waiting till fri.. wondering my darling bookin out fri or sat...

thr goes my darling to his field camp for a wk..

a wk uncontable cox his sergent keep his phone..

wondering hw is he inside n is it suffering?

now i now de feeling of realli missing..

finally goin c doc on thurs.. glad n yet sad cox darling cant acc me.. but its ok i dun blame him..

promise darling i got to b strong.. n so cheryl tryin nw to cry... tinking mayb she should get sleeping pill.. haha so tt she can slp when she gt nth to do hmm..

now the onli ting cheryl can find to motivate her.. is comin sat n her trip to oversea with darling on her annual leave.. tinking whether her parent will allow.. whenever i tink of tis ting.. it jus make me happy.. nt realli happy.. as in.. finally tt is someting i can realli enjoy.. hopefully her parent will let her go oversea.. she realli wan to relax.. realli realli realli...

feeling lonely with no darling n friends around.. friends r busy.. darling in army..

missing my darling realli lots..

been tinking of days whr me n darling was tgt.. the place tt we go.. the tings tt we do.. days when we were even tgt.. tears jus drip.. i realli miss my darling..

days wif darling dun hav to be fun to b happy.. i jus feel happy when i m wif darling.. though thr might b quarrels...

i realli miss darling.. cing doc next tues if thr is appt.. well.. but darling will b in camp .. one wk without contact..

cheryl jus feel lonely.. without frends without darling..

every1 is jus so busy..

cheryl jus wanna say:
darling i love u lots.. i realli miss my darling.. well he is bookin out this fri n book in this sat.. n the out in the forest he go .. uncontactable for the wk.. lookin toward fri? i dun even look towards at all.. alr feel lonely.. n nw.. cant even contact darling.. i jus gt no one to talk to..

cheryl wana say thanks to her friends esp von.. tryin to help her thanks lot..

cheryl wanted most is to go oversea with darling.. but she doubt she can if jus onli the 2 of them.. so she hope sept she can hav...

i realli hate my illness.. wanting to c doc.. but....

cheryl jus cry everyday..

fear n stress tt no one noe nor understand..

thurs.. a day tt i hope it will come soon n also a day tt i hope it wun ever come..

hope it will come soon is cox darling will be booking out on fri if nt wrong..but also useless cox i working afternoon on sat n morning on sun..but better den nth n hope it doesnt come is cox i got scan n also darling field camp starting on the 26th till 31th .. uncontactable for a wk..

scan.. whu noe wad may happen after tt.. may be i will b hospitalize again.. trying to tink it possive.. tryin to tink it might nt be.. but i hav history of it.. so higher risk i might hav it again..

i wish darling could acc me to the scan but i knew tt is no chance at all tt my wish will come true.. bcox i knew it is impossible.. totally impossible..

beem hospitalize for 2 day 1 night.. pain tt is so so pain tt even cannulation is nth to me.. i dun feel tt pain at all.. wishing darling was thr but i knew its impossible.. told myself i hav to b brave n go through all tis.. bring me for all those x ray n scan.. 2 extra 2 scan.. with doctor telling me suspect gall bladder stone.. renal prob.. n i told myself i hav to b brave.. de result show tt everyting normal.. n thurs i m goin another scan again..

in hospital.. afternoon i was left alone cox my parent r busy.. i told myself i hav to b brave.. so thr i go.. goin for de scan everyting alone.. being left alone... forcing myself to slp to kick those boredom away.. to prevent myself frm tinking..

thurs... i m scared.. realli scared... crying bcox i jus cant kick tt fear away frm me..

yest went NDP with von cf n darling... cox von gt 4 tix..

n they got tis balloon making tt i like.. n darling knew i like it.. so hw bluff us he is gg toilet.. n he went to take one for me n von.. n he knew i like purple.. so he went to alot of ppl in order to get a purple one for me.. so sweet of him..

i knew he mayb irresposbile at time.. i noe ppl may dun like him..

mentally unstable.. n nw this.. i m tired of life.. fear n stress is all i feel.. been a sick baby since young.. went hospital 3 time to stay n duno hw many other times to c doc..

exam on tues.. haven study.. n yet everyting make me so hard to concentrate..

darling field camp for a wk.. 1wk cant contact at all.. lonely .. wondering can i survive?

fearful.. fear nw is more den stress..

cheryl is nw at hospital.. admitted.. hai so borefd

luckily my sis bring lappie here..

i m missing darling.. hw i wish he can b here next to me.. n acc me..

but cheryl din cry cox he is nt here.. she wanna b brave even though no one free to acc her in hospital .. but she has her bolt..

missing darling

normal?

jus wad is normal in cheryl world?

she jus dun feel normal..






cheryl wnana upload her elmo photo here.. but it jus cant send to my com.. argz...

happy 3rd month anni..

is belated though haha..

shall update more next time..

hai .. nt feeling well again.. tt feeling come bk..
docdoc.. when m i free to c ..

sometime i jus cant help tinking.. y me n von is the one doin most of the ting in the clique.. whrby sometime ppl dun even appreciate..

or should i say whereby none even offer to help..

so i should call this friends?

if ppl r busy? den arent we 2 busy too?

while i m even working shift work?..

n plz stop pissing me off.. u noe whu u r.. i m busy wif work n i m tired out..

n nw i m here doin someting.. WHR NO ONE EVEN SUGGEST IT AT ALL OR OFFER TO HELP..

but nvm at least i do it frm my heart ..

hai work is getting more n more busy ..

yest morning was super busy... i realli dun like morning shift.. although onli got 6 patient i incharge but its of no better den 9!!.. u noe y.. haha let me explain to u..

yest me n my preceptor (the one whu was suppose to guide me n help me when i nt sure of thing n check whether i m corretc in doing my ting) was in the same room.. YEAHHH!! but u noe wad.. she was junior n i m in charge!

junior does all those taking of blood pressure.. sponge n bath patient.. change diaper.. fetch patient n send patient whu go for procedure.. write all those chart .. of wad patient eat n hw much they urine n shit..

n in charge nid to do all those changes for 6 patient .. write report.. serve oral n iv medicine.. giv inj..

n sooo thr go onli with we 2 in tt room.. n best is although onli 6 patient.. 3 go RT.. 1 go 2D echo.. 1 go a procedure call CVC insertion 1 MRI 1 CXR.. my preceptor was like sending patient here n thr.. n i nid to help her sponge some patient cox all is bed bound.. n than best is when my preceptor went send patient.. another patient was going for another procedure n insist on changing diaper b4 going n i was serving my IV med .. with needle in my hand..

hai.. jus yest i been stand for 12 hr without my butt touch de chair more den 1 min n nv eat anyting or drink a drop of water for 12hr.

CLAP*.. n guess wad.. when i off work i gt no appetite to eat cox was so tired but hav to eat jus fgor de sake of eating hai.. n i hav been slimming down again.. cox reall no apptite..

yest morning was crazy n i do all the changes myself.. without my preceptor checking.. haha so scared got ting do wrong.. haha.. but still junior job is the most xing ku one.. my poor preceptor..

WeLcome!~
enJoy uR sTAy hEre

* chEryL
* 09/09/1988

*lub...
-> dar...
-> all mY fRiendsssssssss...
-> yAngyaNg n mEh mEh

*haTE...
-> lIar
-> bAcksTabbEr

*... mY fRiEnd tO b hAppy ...*
*... MysElF tO bE happy ...*
*... gT alOt $ bUy ting ...*
*... reSult gdgd ...*

...dAr...=D
...vOn...
...sI...
...hAlkAl...

*yAng chOng by yAng zHOng wEi*

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