cherylis crying.. she is cryin nw..

she realli hate her work..

fad mentioning make her realised wad is the reali reason tt lead her wake up crying each day...

the ppl thr r reali so hard to mix wif.. nt tt i m near but its tt they treat u as outsider.. de sister sux..

i jus duno hw to say i jus hate it thr..

the ppl thr r so gd frien wif the sister.. tt i dun even one whu i cazn trust..

it jus sux

finally a day off my work.. so tired my hand n leg is aching..

hai .. tries to like my ward but i jus cant..so stress.. n cing other ppl aqdapting so fast.. i m the slowest.. of all best right.. hai cox i jus cant adapt.. n ppl look down on me.. so sux..

i jus hate to work each day..

went to flyer wif darling.. no choice die also muz tmr cox the promotion tix i buy at 9buck yest de last day... haha..

n as usal he dun dare to look down..

coward..

studyin time ltr.. siannnnnn

cheryl is finally online!!..

haha act she wanna online on thurs but she having fever.. 38.. sniff so no choice.. n she feelin sososo sick tt she slp at 8+ til 8+ de other day.. 12 hr.. hmm..

yest was fun..

morning went k box wif darling.. den go darling hse n slp.. cox my fever came bk again.. its jus on n off.. den night wanna go flyer.. den so long Q.. c le forget it.. den its a fun fun day after tt..

hai i realli jus hate waking up in the morning it make me so tense..

hmm..

i wonder when darling go army.. hw will i become..

i guess i will jus hav tt lonely feeling..

my scduele realli sucky!..

almost most of them is afternoon!.. i cant even go out wif darling n freidns.. SUXXX.. wan giv me afternoon also wait tilld arling go army ma.. argz..

hai...

i miss my friends.. i miss guan von jl si dardar (esp, cox too long din c her) yoyo... mostly girls la.. cox i jus feel uncomfortable without mitting them every wk.. haha..

nw i wan spend more time wif my darling first.. i noe ppl will say i zhong se qing yong.. but in another 2 wks time he gg army.. n cant come out for 2 wks.. if nt i will sure mit my friends...

even mit darling also no time..

hai i m jus feeling so stress.. nid to collect bday money .. dig out a day i m free to go buy.. i m jus so easily stress nwaday.. ahhhhhhh.. cant take it anymore..

ltr work.. i tink will b incharge.. duno wad time den can go hm.. muz b after 10..

but will psycho papa fetch me cox tmr morning shift.. haiii

cheryl jus hate waking up in the morning..

every morning she will wake up cryin.. n she feel scared..

n she wil find her darling every morning.. but soon he is gg in army n i hav no one to find when i wake up..

she feel crazy.. tt sometime she jus feel like cutting herself.. but she knew darling n her friends wun like it.. so she control but duno hw long she she can take it..

sometime she jus cant help feeling lonely.. although she is nt.. but she can hardly contact her friends cox her work keep diff shift.. n she knew its gg b worst when darling go inside army.. on my off day i will b at hm alone.. cox her frienf will b working..

de happiest moment she has is when she is wif her friends n darling.. but she hate it when ppl thr make her piss off.. i noe von sure noe whu.. hai..

n she realli enjoy the sat gathering tt she hass

n cheryl temper is getting bad to worst.. she dun wan to.. but she jus cant help.. she jus get piss so easily.. she alr tried nt to.. but a little ting jus irritated her.. yest grad wasnt tt fun afterall.. i jus duno y i get so irritated easily.. i m jus so tired..

cheryl is lookin forward to her fri.. but at the same time.. she is not.. cox when its nearer.. it means darling is gg to army nearer..

i wonder if i can survive when darling inside army.. cox i duno whu to find when i m feeling scared..

i m realli jus a crazy girl...

is it time tt i c a doc again?...

once again..

CHERYL IS SICK..

if i m nt wrong.. last mth i jus sick finsih.. down wif flu again hai out of sudden today.. keep sneeze sneeze den sick..

if u were to ask me whether de tami flu jab help to u to prevent flu.. I TOLD U ITS NT..argz.. n i tink i m gg down wif fever.. i hope nt.. if nt cant go work.. my head is hurting me.. n i m feeling so unwell..

tmr grad!! n after tt gg celeb my lao po xiuling bird day!.. weeeeee... den after mit darling for dinner.. gonna mit darling more cox he is gg in army in another 2 to 3 wks times.. hai.. without him i tink i will b more depress.. well i hope nt..

tings r happening.. but i dun wish to assume ting cox i duno which is the truth.. assuming is nt gd.. but same ... i dun wan to noe the truth either..

i scared the truth will disappoint me ..

if ting were realli in a way tt i tot.. n i m feeling.. than i m realli disappointed.. cox imaging a gd friend rather blieve in other ppl words den urs? .. n after asking ard.. i knew i wasnt tinking to much.. it worsen.. but i jus dun wan assume ting.. n i dun wish to assume tings.. dun wan to noe the truth..

but all i can say my trust has lessen.. n its sad to say tt lessen toward ur very gd friend.. n even close one.. i dun wish ting to b like tis.. but .. its nt onli me tinking tis way.. isnt it?

i m jus so disappointed.. haii..

get my work pay.. but i wasnt happy.. work so damn hard.. no time to eat.. no time to drink.. no time to sit.. everyday in stress situation.. n yet my pay after CPF is less den a thousand three..

i m so reluctant to go to work each day.. but for tis wk.. i m gg to motivate myself cox on fri.. darling is taking off n bring me out to play the whole day.. we r gg flyer at night!.. cox my sis gt tix at 9buck each onli!.. n afternoon gg k box!.. somehw tis motivated me to work on wed n thurs.. cox i m looking sooo forward to it.. its been a long time since i ever play till like tis...

somehw.. gg out wif friendssss n darlin motivate me to tt day.. n tis.. is the onli ting tt will motivate me to work each day so de day i mit my friend wld faster come!!

n I MISS U CF!!!!.. opps.. i guess i m gonna b beaten by.. hmmm.. oppsie.. n i've been tinking its a wonder .. tt we can b such a gd friend!.. n thanks wor >.<>

hai.. i hate de feeling of waking up recently..

feeling scared.. de feeling is bk.. is it comin bk? n every morning i wil try to cool myself down.. the first ting i wil call my darling but soon no chance le.. he is gg army soon..

yest mit up wif von they all.. n guess i m too tired after eatiing i doze off at von hse.. haha say wan to mit up wif them wan go her hse play ended up slping.. cox onli slp 3 hr for prev night.. hai break down again..

alot ting ive been tinking .. it make me feel so lost.. i dun wish to assume ting.. i dun wan to keep guessing ting... but is it realli like wad i m tinking..

well.. ltr gg flyer wif my family.. i m still so slpy..

ltr gg study.. yawn .. b4 i go out haii..

*love*..

i noe u realli no money but u dote on me..

lalala~~

i miss my friendssssssssssssssssss

happy? i wish i can b happy..

hai i jus hate my parent for now.. alway assuming tings.. whu r bad whu r gd i can differientate..

have u all realli tink hw i m feeling now.. even if i cry even if i dun look happy.. u all jus tink tt its my friends whu make me unhappy.. but its nt .. they r de one tt make me happy.. esp darling.. he alway keep me acc.. even in early morning i wake up crying.. even my friends noe hw i m feeling.. but none of u bother to even tink for me.. noe wad i wan ..

i tink my illness is realli bk.. i hate to live in tis world.. it jus a matter of hw long i can control those thoughts..

cryin now.. cox of wad my dad hav said.. assuming ting..

i realli hate living..

i miss my friends.. my darling..

yawn.. bk frm work.. 1 wk in the ward n i m still like a lost ghost.. hai.. muz buck up.. left 2 mth.. to c if i can pass my confirmation as a staff nurse.. but i knew to me is impossible.. cox i knew nth.. n i m starting frm the scrap.. cox my PRCP ward is so damn diff.. nth is similar AT ALL.. well.. jia you..

n nw.. i m feeling so dead tired.. tt i hav no feeling.. no feeling of stress or wadever.. cox.. i m sooooooo tired..

n everyday i hav to swallow my food fast.. in order to complete all those work.. i partner wif another junior.. wonder if i de onli junior hw? = no nid eat haha.. cox i will b damn blur.. n i can swear.. n get lots of scolding cox cfm do wrong ting..

n everyday after work .. i willl b like water tank.. damn thirsty like hell.. tt i dun wan food but water.. cox i din even touch a drop of water after i start work.. n tt ward so freaking hot.. like suana.. haha n i can bet i will get sick soon..

getting nearer to my exam.. n ltr no matter wad..i shall drag myself to study.. even for half an hr.. at least make improvement.. but my eye r closing n nw its onli 640pm.. haiii... yest work afternoon somemore.. n i offwork at 10.. suppose to b 930 de lo but cant go haii..

n thanks jx for fetching me home n de bubble tea.. if nt i will reach hm at 1130 le.. n thanks derrick for ur fries which u bought last min.. N EVEN FORGET MY CURRY SAUCE..

end here
buaii~~

recently.. cheryl been waking up crying..

she feel so tense n lost .. she duno y.. tinking is it her work..

she cant even slp well at all at night.. like last time.. she keep waking up.. n her mind keep generating tings tt she dun like .. her work..

n every morning she will wake up finding her darling.. but she noe he can do nth to help her..

mit up wif my darling yest for tt very short while.. cox both of us off 530.. n i nid b hm early.. but nevertheless for tt little while he make me happy.. ben lai is wan go study for my exam but i realli dun feel like.. i feel so stress inside.. so he bring me go eat botak john? i duno botak wad la.. n den play 3 rd of pool den go hm.. but though it was short it make me happy..

but tis morning i wake up crying again haii..

n i can feel de symptoms realli.. i wil b like kan jiong over ppl reply.. hai..

i tink ppl shouldnt get near me recently.. cox i will jus throw my temper..

hai.. i noe i shouldnt keep tinkin my illness is bk.. but i can realli sense it.. i m alr tryin to control..

cheryl 2nd posting for today..

hai sry ppl if i lost my temper to u guys... i jus feel so easily pissed recently den i jus shout n scream at anyone when a little ting jus piss me off..

cheryl is feeling so tired..

she knew her illness will b back.. cox she sense some of the sypmtoms but its jus a matter of time when.. n hw long she can tolerate..

been cryin the whole day n control myself whenever i m outside..

n to my darlings.. thanks lots for keep tryin to make me happy today but whenever i wake up feeling depress or i m real stress.. its hard to make me happy.. unless thr is someone wif me.. whenever i m wif someone i feel more distracted hai.. n i noe u dote on me.. but jus dun hav the money to..

love ya..

haiii.. plz.. dun come bk my illness.. haii.. but i can sense the symptom.. nt i wan tink negatively.. but its thr ..

slping soon tired..

love ya my darling..

cheryl hate working.. she hate de ward she is in nw.. she hav the phobia of gg to work everyday.. tt she wan to cry.. she feel so lost in her ward she duno wad to do.. whr all her friends tt came in wif her knew almost everyting.. even the foreigner.. cox she used to work in oncology ward when she is in malaysia.. i m majiam a lost ghost everyday in the ward.. n cing every one busy but n sometime i jus had nth to do...

no one to talk to.. seem like gana ignore by everyone.. no one teach her hw to do tings.. n she duno almost all of the ting.. n ppl giv her tt attitude tt i m lousy cox i duno anyting .. even tt i pass out alr..

she was so tired.. but yet she cant slp well at all.. her work keep generating in her mind .. tt she wake up crying n feel realli scared.. n so thr she go n find her darling.. thanks for acc me chat .. but till nw i still feel scared.. i m still crying.. cox next wk start shift work n fad is alway nt the same shift as me..

i can feel tt my illness is comin bk.. tried to calm dwn but its so hard...

it giv me a feeling i dun feel like living anymore... i m feeling so scared..

finally cheryl is online .. haha..

n nw she is feeling soooo.. DEAD TIRED.. tt she will doze off within 5 min if she lie in her bed.. intended to study for my exam but... i realli cant make it.. n decided tt i shall jus copy the note tt i hav borrow frm fad.. n go to slp.. damn early..

after 2 days in her ward.. she realli din like it at all.. its ok tt they dun mingle wif me.. but de prob is the staff there dun even mingle with one another!!..

n the ward is damn freaking busy to the extend tt.. i onli go for half an hr break.. been walking n standing frm 7 to 335.. n sit onli for less than half an hr? cox still nid walk to buy food..

n seriously my spine is super pain.. even wif jus sitting or standing.. it hurts.. hai i jus hope tt it dun giv me any serious trouble.. whu ask my life so suay.. haha go male cubicle.. some is twice de wt of mine or even more ok!.. n i hav to carry n shift them up n down.. making my spine even worst.. n my leg ache frm all tt walking.. damn it.. hai my spine is sosososo pain.. even when lieing dwn.. duno hw to find a position to make myself better..

next wk starting shift work alr.. hai.. dun hav much time to mit my friends.. haii.. n my next wk schedule sux like hell.. making me dun feel like gg work.. nid to work 6 days straight .. to my off day which is on sun.. hai.. n the shift is like mostly frm afternoon shift change to mornnign tt kind. hw to slp.. haiiii...... i tink i will b dead tired to giv go out to mit my friends..

n ppl hav been stressing me haiii.. bump into one staff nurse who was previously in the ward i m in nw (verna's gd friend).. haha qiao right.. n she giv me tt look when i tell her i m in B2.. (cox tts de busiest station of all.. n she wish me all da best.. haha.. i still rem she is a very very gd staff nurse..

cheryl seriously miss her prev ward.. n she miss all the staff thr.. though thrs backstabber but i miss mingleing wif them.. smacking their butt when working.. gg for break n makan tgt.. crap tgt.. surf internet tgt.. tou tou order food on behalf of pt name n eat ourselve.. sitting at the nursing station n chit chat when thrs nth to do.. n obviously crap wif the docs thrs when all of us r free.. haiii..

ending here.. to go eat n copy notes den go slp..

night ppl

cheryl is feeling soo damn unhappy n bad mood now..

she dun even noe y.. perhap bored? perhap stress? cox gg bk to ward in 2 days time? hai.. or even 1 days time? .. y i go n choose tt ward!.. exam comin.. in jun.. noe i shld start study le cox alot.. but somehw i jus dun hav de mood to..

so when her eyes jus open tis morning.. she feel like gg out.. but she jus duno whu to ask.. n the onli person tt came to her mind is VONNNNN..so she sms her.. luckily she is free.. n so we went to find cf n guan n jialing n si.. ehhh.. onli guan n cf reply.. guan nt free.. so onli left cf wif us..

she hope tt her friends can make her day brighter..

hai.. jus stop asking me whr i wan to go.. most of the places i wan go.. mostly cant.. i m so sick of tinking of places to go.. so i rather tag along wif my friends n let them tink whr to go.. but those r the words tt come out frm ur mouth..

mitting von n cf at 1145.. n i knew u wun b able to wake up so i dun even bother to ask.. but since she wan me to ask den i ask lo.. so i tink even tink of askin u also..

cheryl is jus feeling so unhappy tt she jus feel like crying.. she also duno de reason y.. luckily got my sweet von whu is free today to acc me ^^..

end here..

haiii...

i still hav the bad habit of spending up all my money when i m seriously in a very bad mood..

feeling so pissed.

jump up frm my slp at 4+ feeling so piss tt i cant slp bk.

its jus so unfair .. its alway me reporting hump..

n morning my mum ask me bout de bag..

n i got even piss tt i yell at her for alway opening my tings den ask ask ask..

she totally din giv me any privacy.. whr i go.. go wif whu.. EVEN GO WHR also wan to noe..

she better dun make me piss any further cox i will jus yell at her..

pissing off...

wad a day today.. gg for the tamiflu jab vaccination today which left my left hand aching.. n keep havin tt bitter taste in my mouth cox thrs mask fitting today.. n all de mask jus doesnt suit me.. hav to re try n retry again.. n my mouth keep having tt bitter taste for soooooo many times.. ewwww...

ppl keep asking me nt to b emo.. but if emotion is able to control .. den thr wunb ppl breaking down n commit sucide .. if nth happen .. i wun even b emo.. haii..

history is jus repeating itself.. like wad happen 3 yrs ago.. everyting de same.. which make me flung one of my test n get all ds n few cs for my exam .. wif a GPA wif onli 1.7 in yr 1.. haiii.. cant jus tings head for a little change instead of being exactly de same?

i m alway trap btw de 2 of u.. n sometimes its jus leave me tinking.. did i owe both of u someting in my prev life? haii..

i m jus so tired.. tt i nid slp.. so worn out.. so slpy.. till hw i wish sun my fam is nt gg out so tt i can hav my afternoon nap..

hai.. love sometime is jus so complicated .. n leave misery for ppl.. both noe ur own n perhap even wish one another to noe yet.. haii..

love love love.. beautiful or toturing.. realli depend on hw bless u feel.. n hw well tings go smoothly for u.. hmm..

nah nt emoing myself cox i m too tired to even hav any feelings..

my left arm is seriously so heavy after de jab.. n its aching.. more n more worst la.. whoever gg to hit my left arm tmr.. i will curse n swear u! haha.. omg.. ma jiam pig arm ..

yawn.. ending here~~~~~~~~~

night night babes .. oink~~

weee.. cheryl is back in her blog~~ she like MIA frm her human world haha cox she is busy wif mitting her friends n of cox her darling.. n cox of tis.. her face at hm wasnt even more den 5hr each day.. most of the time when she is bk hm .. her parent r slping!..haha i guess its onli sun tt they will c my face.. >.< ..

oh well mother day is comin!!.. wad shall i buy? hmmm..

hai.. gg bk to ward next week.. n tis mean my lecture is ending tmr!!~~.. awww.. i hope i dun go bk to ward.. stress.. n IV pharmocology exam on 17th june.. may god bless me.. i sux at drug.. n now hav to memorise all those action tt each individual drug cum muz calculated de dosage!. i haven been study math for 3 yrs alr!.. n thr is over 30 drug!.. n tis 30 drug is nt my ward stock n i still hav to memorise those drug in my ward!.. awww.. cracking my brain.. n tts onli the theory part.. still hav the pratical part!!~~..

hwhwhw m i suppose to memorise all tt in.. haiiiiiiii... action of drug.. calculation of drug dosage.. how to dilute those IV drug.. argz.. n tt wasnt de worse! still muz go for IV cannulation n blood taking course.. oh well.. n if for the next few mth i throw my temper to anyone.. say sry first!.. cox i get damn easy irritated n piss off when i m stress n tired..

17th june.. hai.. i jus hate june.. darling wasnt thr for me anymore cox he is gg army at 13th ..

hai.. i sudd feel like sayin someting.. KINKI WONG.. i realli duno wad intention u hav.. or do u realli hav intention.. everytime u either contact one of them.. i feel scared.. i m scared nt cox of u.. but is wad u r gg to do.. hai .. everytime when thr is news tt u r contacting both of them i will b like standing by.. hai..

although he said tt its nt ur fault tt they 2 quarrel but to me it is!.. if u hasnt appear.. if its nt cox of all those ting u done.. they wun even hav quarrel.. haha saying one words n doin the other.. sayin ppl irresponsiblr wadever shit n yet still glue to ppl.. sayin lots of ting n yet ur action doesnt prove wad u r doin.. if u doesnt appear in my life.. my life nw is peaceful.. i wldnt have to worry much.. i wldnt have to keep tinking of other ppl feeling.. i wldnt b afraid of hurting one another.. u r disrupting my life!.. n seriously u better pray hard tt u dun appear in front of me.. i wun even look at u..

i hav no rights to stop my friends from contacting u.. but i feel scared whenever u contact them.. cox i feel realli worn out.. tt i realli cant take anymore of those attack.. but yet i still wan to noe if she ever contact the 2 of u.. cox i dun wan the hatred btw u 2 to worsen.. its alr very worst now.. n i m realli tired..

cf.. u said tt if she ever bully me u gg beat her up right.. hee. gogogo!.. nah jus kiddin* its nt worth to beat this kind of girl n go to jail wahahha.. nt worth it.. she is jus a bitch.. nono .. a slut? nono a cunning women.. hmmm...

darling.. i noe tt u r realli tryin to giv in .. n try to make ting btw u 2 better jus to let me feel better but i noe it wasnt ur fault n it wasnt anyone fault.. no matter hw hard u try its useless.. i noe tt.. thank..

n to u.. no matter wad ppl say to affect me .. i still giv tt last chance to blieve in u.. i blieve in u nt doin any stunt to seperate us.. cox u r nt like her.. n i blieve tt it nid times.. cox i've been through it.. n i noe hw its feel.. i even noe tt derrick is nt feeling very gd bout it.. but he is giving in to me..

but still i willing to giv u tt last trust as a friend cox i noe u r nt tt bad afterall..

sry darling i noe all this ting is making u unhappy..

i noe my blog tis time is bound to let ppl sad.. but tts wad i realli wan to say..

ppl say my mouth is bad.. n nw i wanna curse her to get sack n cant get any work permit n get kick bk to ur country!..

over my 21 yrs of live i nv hate anyone til tis extent.. nw u r the 1st..

ending here..

byebye~~`

2nd posting within 5 min haii..

i guess i m realli gg to break down.. but thr is no1 tt i can tell.. except perhap von? haha.. but she is so trouble wif her own ting le hor!..

its time to blog again!!~~..

yest went to sisha.. ok wadever .. i jus duno hw to spell.. wif my poly clique .. haha.. well i din smoke.. but the smell of the smooke is nice.. better a million time den cigratte .. yup..

hai n my friend got fever halfway through.. n nw i realise hw stress it is like.. if u r the one tt sudd hav fever.. its nt u urself scared of dying.. is scared of passing it to ur friends n love one. but luckily her fever subsidise.. haiii..

swine swine swine.. when r u gg off? .. hai.. everyone in the hospital is like tryin their very best to fight it.. oh ya say till swine.. i forget to take de temp for the 2nd time for today.. hmm.. haha..

i seriously miss cing my friends.. CF I MISS U!!..haha jus sayin tt to piss derrick off.. nah i m jus playin.. i jus love ka jiaoing ppl.. one day din ka jiao ppl abit bu zi zai.. haha.. even evon bf i also ka jiao.. wahahaha..

ppl say love is beautiful.. but to me.. it is " love SHOULD be beaultiful.. but sometime n somehw it jus wun turn out tis way.."

n i guess to many ppl ard me.. love is nt tt beautiful afterall..

to me.. is my love gg be beautiful?

i m tired .. realli tired.. feel like writing alot of ting here.. but i jus cant..

i wan to stay happy.. i wan to b happy.. but tings jus keep me away frm my happiness..

but thr is some moment tt i will realli b happy.. n tt is... which i cant even say.. haiii

feeling like cryin nw..

hai. hw i wish i shouldnt have online nw.. bcox it making me more emo.. i shld hav argue wif my parent n let them mit up wif von cf n guan.. den i wldnt hav been online nw..

WeLcome!~
enJoy uR sTAy hEre

* chEryL
* 09/09/1988

*lub...
-> dar...
-> all mY fRiendsssssssss...
-> yAngyaNg n mEh mEh

*haTE...
-> lIar
-> bAcksTabbEr

*... mY fRiEnd tO b hAppy ...*
*... MysElF tO bE happy ...*
*... gT alOt $ bUy ting ...*
*... reSult gdgd ...*

...dAr...=D
...vOn...
...sI...
...hAlkAl...

*yAng chOng by yAng zHOng wEi*

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