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today i told myself i hav to b guai n i will cure myself.. i will try n tink positively.. but everyting make me cant keep my promise.. i look forward to today.. i look forward to tmr.. i look forward to this whole wk.. but everyting jus spoilt my lookin forward to.. i jus wan to leave singapore now.. i wan to go genting nw.. jus let me leave.. plz... went to mit wif my poly friend.. i was happy i was tinkin postively but at the near end of the day everyting jus spoilt me.. ppl jus dun let me explain.. jus dun let me listen to me talk.. n tt stupid ppl .. come onli jus say hey.. fad i show u someting.. (bring out someting tt her bf giv her on vday..) n show it to ppl.. sayin.. my bf bought tis for my vday present.. ya right.. can u b sensitive to ppl feeling.. i jus break can.. although i nw slowly trying to overcome all this.. but u keep sayin bout ur bf.. n show off ur ting to every one keep talkin about ur bf. over n over again.. u noe hw i feel nt.. its nt u duno i break.. u noe okie... its jus so hard to find someone whu realli understand my feeling.. i jus wan to find motivation to cure myself.. jus giv me sometime.. but everyting is so hard.. ppl misunderstand me.. ppl misunderstand him.. n dun even wanna giv me a chance to explain.. yest i finally found some motivation to keep me gg.. tt is sat.. but now its no longer a motivation.. u find me locking u.. n others keep sayin i still hav hope or wad so ever.. i feel lonely.. i feel empty.. i feel lost.. i feel heartbroken.. ya derrick u r right.. u r very right.. but wad can i do.. ppl jus tink tt i use it as an excuse.. its nt.. even when i m tgt wif him.. i m scared of lonely.. so nw.. i m even scared of it .. even more.. but ppl jus tot its an excuse.. i duno whether u all tink tt loneliness is an excuse tt i use to contact him.. but i m realli fear of lonely.. i noe i nid to overcome it myself i noe i nid to try n be strong myself.. tts y i m tryin to find motivation.. at least for nw.. begin with someting tt keep me goin.. but nw its no longer a motivation anymore.. i noe ppl find me irritating.. but i jus wanna find someone to say out my feeling .. to occupied my thought.. n slowly let go of ting.. but i jus cant find someone whu i can realli talk to .. realli can giv me patient.. i jus cant find tt someone.. whu got patient in me.. whu try to understand the ting i m doin.. n i guess i cant even understand myselfu noe wad i feeling nw.. i feel like dying.. i noe i once promise u i cant tink of it.. n dun even tink of tt.. but everyting is making it so hard.. i tried.. i even tried to find motivation myself.. but tings jus spoilt it.. i m realli tired of explaining ting.. tired of even findin tings to motivated myself.. frm nw on.. cheryl shall jus keep her feeling to herself.. she wun say out hw she feel anymore.. ppl alway say.. its better u say out ur feeling.. dun keep it to yourself.. but nw.. i find it worst when i say out my feeling.. ppl misunderstand it.. even my motivation doesnt seem to work now.. i m reali tired.. tired of life.. i feel so soffocating.. so xing ku.. i alr decide to cure myself yest.. wif a strong will.. wif a motivation.. but everyting jus spoilt it now.. my motivation is no longer there.. derrick.. everytime i talk to u.. telling u hw i feel.. esp today.. i realli hope u r beside me.. at least lend me ur shoulder cox u r the one whu realli understand me.. whu realli dun treat me like an alien.. someone wif some mental disorder.. hw i wish u can lend me ur shoulder nw.. u r the onli one whu understand my feeling cox u went through b4.. if u all realli tink tt bring me to a psycharist will make me better den jus bring.. i dun wan to detest it anymore.. i dun wan to kang ju it anymore.. cox nw i realli gt no will.. no motivation.. to keep myself gg.. jus bring me go then.. jus come my hse n dig me out n bring me go.. i got no will nw.. cheryl jus wan to leave singapore.. n hope she herself got into some accident in genting n die.. she realli gt no will no motivation..n she is tired of explaining her feeling.. expressing her feeling out.. derrick.. thanks.. n of cox thanks jialing too.. u giv some patient to listen to me talk.. n try to understand me..
* oINkz * ---- Monday, February 16, 2009 3:48 AM
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