Si Meh and his house

cheryl shall go MIA since today.. duno for hw many days hw long.. she is sick n tired of havin to act happy.. faking a smile.. chatting like normally in front of ppl she is tired .. tired of doin so..

nwaday cheryl jus in a daze.. no matter wad she is doin.. even she went out today to find a job.. she was in a daze duno wad to talk.. even crossing the road she was in a doze.. went to interview a job .. wrapping flower for valentine .. she tot as long as she has a job she wld b okie.. but she was wrong .. once she step inside the flower shop.. she nearly broke down.. holding bk her tears.. she used to say hw she dun wan flower.. but nw.. flower jus bring her memory.. but well nvm.. she din get the job either.. cox of her driving lesson she din get the job.. (which she dun even intend to pass the driving she hate the date ) n nw she doesnt hav ting to occupied her.. well dont know wan to b happy bout it or wad..

after tt went out wif zhiwei n fad they all.. cheryl jus seem so slpy.. her eye is tired.. she cannot concentate on things.. neither their conversation they was having.. she was jus plainly staring into place n once awhile replying to their conversation.. she laugh wif fake laughter tryin very hard to smile.. she hate to b home too.. having to fake out she is happy to c mao.. faking out she like mao when she reach hm.. she duno whr to go..

n tmr she has to fake up a smile again as she is meeting her attachment friend.. she dun feel like gg she hate to fake.. but she promise them n she has to force herself to go.. n after tt she decided nt to meet up wif any ppl anymore... she would roam ard singapore alone.. n find a place for her to cry.. she dun care she lie to her parent to whom she is gg out wif.. she jus wan to b alone.. nt faking her happiness n find a place to cry.. she is realli hoping tt her emotion wun let her do someting tt she shouldnt she duno wad her emotion will lead her to.. she is jus soo broken down..

y ppl understand me but nt u.. ppl noe y i m so bad temper.. i noe it was my fault i hate my job.. i hate being a nurse.. no oneunderstand hw stress it is.. having scolded by almost everyone.. patient..sister..doc..senior n even the junior nurse.. n wad worst as a student u cant even vent out ur fustration on them.. cheryl is realli tinkin is she having some mental disorder since her poly yrs in nursing..

and so cheryl.. nw after writing my blog was searching through whether she is having depression or other problem tt make her change become like tt... n nw she found some prob.. n she realli duno whether she is suffering frm them or nt..

Sign n symptoms of depression
- you can’t sleep enough or you sleep too much : (now gg to become slp too much)
- you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult : (obviously becomeing worst now as compare to the past)
- you feel worthless and hopeless : (ever since start poly)
- you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try : (well damn obvious i m havin it since poly)
- you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating : (seriously having it now..loss of appetite n is very serious)
- you are constantly irritated or become enraged even at small things – and this is new for you : (ever since my poly life)
- you have thoughts that life is not worth living, or have a plan for how you would end it : (tink about it sometime)

is cheryl really havin depression?

well she found another one..

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD):
involves anxiety and worry that is excessive and unrelenting. This high-level anxiety makes normal life difficult and relaxation impossible. Eg, phone call to a friend that isn’t immediately returned becomes anxiety that the relationship is in trouble. ( YA THIS IS DEFINELY RIGHT I JUS FEEL SO UNWELL WHEN PPL DONT REPLY ME IMMEDIATELY N IT MAKING ME KEEP CALLING THE PPL WHEN MY SMS ARENT REPLY)

Physical symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
- Muscle tension, aches, or soreness : (muscle tension sometime)
- Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep : (obviously when i start worrying about ting)
- Stomach problems, nausea, diarrhea : (ya..serious gastric problem n i feel like vomiting everytime after i eat)
- Jumpiness or unsteadines (dont tink i have it)
- Tiring easily: (obviously havin it now.. jus feel like slping always )
- Edginess or restlessness (ya.. restlessness)
Psychological symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)
- Irritability : (100% have since poly)
- Feelings of dread : (sort of)
- Inability to control anxious thoughts : ( very obvious i have it..but well..)
- Inability to relax : ( ya.. have it)
- Difficulty concentrating ( ya since poly..sometime i have it)
- Fear of losing control or being rejected : ( ya very very very confirm i have it..)

y? is this y i change to a totally diff ppl ever since poly n its becoming worst? i realli duno.. i m scared nw.. i duno duno is it realli true tt i m having them.. whu realli understand me? my emotion realli driving me crazy.. de sudd change of emotion.. i jus cant control them.. control my thoughts.. i m scared.. scared all the time.. is this realli y i change a person tt i cant even recognise myself? making me lose him? ..

cheryl is realli very hard to control her emotion her feeling.. its driving her crazy.. one moment she can b happy another moment she jus feel so sad.. so broken down.. its driving cheryl crazy..

is cheryl reali having them? i dun wan.. i realli dun wan..

* oINkz * ---- Monday, February 02, 2009 4:21 AM