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 my life is nw only left with mao mao n me.. i nv regret keeping her.. she realli make me smile but ever since yest.. whenever i saw her it make me cry it remind me of the time when we r wif her happily but i noe all tt happiness might be fake.. whether i m dead or alive is nt ur business anymore.. u r jus afraid tt i might be dead n u have to be responsible.. all tat word stung me.. right deep inside.. but it still better den an idiot being i the dark.. no matter my heart is still thr or dead.. no matter i still love or nt.. i told myself i should i should hate n nt feel sad.. i tell myself i should hate.. to make my heart die but its hard.. i regret begging like an idiot.. begging like a beggar for ur return after i noe the real truth.. true enough my temper might be part of the reason i admit i m wrong.. its all cox of the stress.. but nw de true reason is nt my temper..
u said jia u said dawn .. u said all that but u r jus de same.. one mth or shld i say one mth or more of lies.. one mth of using my trust .. christmas card wif heart.. fetching offwork once u get ur liscence.. its all nt on me.. ur lies.. mitting friend.. wif ur car.. but its nt.. i blieve ur lies n trusted u.. all those thing break my heart.. 3 yrs of relationship.. wif a word.. ur dream...................................................... u dont wan to lost the chance.. stung into my heart.. i told myself after all tt lies.. i shld let my heart dead but my heart somehw wun.. tinking bout the happy time.. i wan to hate.. i told myself i mux hate.. no matter wad i muz hate..
i hate time alone i hate it when my mind wonder.. several times my tears drip dwn in my ward when i'm working.. tryin so hard to hide my tears.. several times my tears drop when i'm infront of pt .. i try to wipe away hiding frm them.. several time my tears drop when i'm wif my family i try to wipe away n pretend to slp.. once i'm hm.. in my rm .. my tears scroll.. when i'm wif my friend i try to laugh to make myself happy to prevent my tears frm dripping.. acting happy is hard..
but somehow i wanna say thanks to derrick n si.. being there for me.. listening to me cry without sayin anyting.. n of cox jl lending me her shoulder..
my temper might be part of the reason.. duno my temper jus like tt.. i alway say i suspect i have depression but no one cares.. no one understand.. i m nt afraid of death nw.. i'm nt afraid of strking by lightning i m nt afraid of being knock dwn by a car... verna.. maybe one day we might go up to the heaven tgt.. aren;t we? ,..
feeling tired without slp last night.. wif pluffy eyes tt everyone in my ward ask me wad happen.. i guess tmr i will get the same question too...
* oINkz * ---- Wednesday, January 28, 2009 2:41 AM
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<-- WelComE tO yAng n 