haix tink i realli realli havin insomia.. for de past few dayz cant realli sleep.. sleep at 1+ n wake up at 7+.. i m still tired.. but i jus cant fall back asleep.. i jus hope when i fall asleep i jus wun wake up forever... yest went c firework wif darling.. it was nice... b4 tt we went to catch bearbear.. n tis time we caught one veri veri de small size de squirrel.. n we spend 20 all tgt in de arcade.. n luckily we got one.. small one though =.=.. cute though... it was fun.. ltr goin watch wif si they all again..sad tt von n guan havin exam so didnt ask them.. haiz.. if nt all fun le nei... 回 意 起 从 前.. 中 学 的 日 子 做 工 的 日 子 我 真 的 好 怀 念.. 那 是 我 最 快 乐 的 时 光.. 我 也 觉 得 很 幸 福 能 认 识 到 他 们.. 永 远 的 朋 友.. 想 起 以 前 让 我 想 起 两 首 歌... 一 首 是 heaven knows.. 还 有 柯 佑 轮 的 歌.. 不 知 道 我 该 开 心 还 是 舍 麽.. 我 好 想 把 我 心 里 的 想 法 和 感 觉 说 出 来 可 是 有 能 告 诉 谁? 看 还 是 别 说 最 好.. 心 情 不 好 时.. 我 真 的 好 想 有 人 来 安 慰 我 和 我 聊 天.. 听 我 诉 苦.. 不 觉 得我 烦 的 听 我 诉 苦.. 可 是 这 些 人 永 远 都 是 我 的 朋 友 而 不 是 我 的 男 朋 友.. 我 知 道 是 我 不 对... 乱 发 脾 气.. 可 是 也 不 是 我 想 要 的.. 有 时 我 真 的 觉 得 我 好 像 得 了depression.. 觉 得 好 孤 独.. 我 好 害 怕 孤 独.. 不 知 道 为 舍 麽.. 现 在 的 我 感 受 到 朋 友 的 重 要 性.. 好 怕 失 去 他 们.. 肚 子 痛 胃 痛 拼 不 是 我 可 以 控 自 得.. 能 怪 我 吗? 小 时 候 的 我 肚 子 就 很 不 好.. 又 不 是 我 要 得.. 有 些 话 也 只 是 说 说 而 以 为 舍 麽 要 那 麽 认 真.. 想 着 想 着 昨 晚 睡 前 我 哭 了.. 醒 来 时 也 哭 了... 好 难 过 好 难 过.. 终 觉 得 我 们 之 间 的 距 离 越 来 越 远.. 昨 天 因 为 那 句 话.. 心 情 变 得 很 不 好.. 又 不 是 我 要 得..可 是 还 是 逼 自 己 笑.. 到 你 离 开 以 后 才 自 己 哭 了 出 来.. 对 以 前 的 我 在 大 家 面 前 终 是 很 开 心 快 乐... 可 是 我 拼 不 是.. 我 只 是 把 心 里 的 感 觉 放 在 心 里 不 让 大 家 知 道而 已.. 可 是 放 久 了.. 心 里 也 满 了.. anyway.. tmr is darling first paper.. gd luck! wait n wait n wait.. till de dayz.. i can slp... longer n longer.. without waking up?
* oINkz * ---- Saturday, February 24, 2007 6:31 PM
tmr is my bio n here i m.. i realli cant study in.. i read but i jus dun hav de mood to read through everything was jus glance through n nth went in.. at all.. tink tmr exam theres likely chance nt passing... i jus feel so stress.. i wanna say my feeling out.. wonderin who can i say it to.. i noe i can find si.. but i dun feel like.. i wanna say it to my darlin.. but i noe he will xian me fan.. so i come online.. so type out my feeling.. dun restrict me.. i already try to make myself better.. but still cant.. i feel as in i m realli in depression.. who will noes my feeling.. i'm feelin so xing ku.. i can onli cry to myself.. hav de tension to msg darlin.. tell him my feeling.. hav him comfort me.. but i noe he will xian me fan.. giv him alot trouble.. i dun wan to.. but i realli cant control my feelin.. i feel so lost... sorry darlin if i make u moody again... but realli i tink no one will understand my feelin except von.. so stop blaming me.. i m realli upset.. i noe its my fault alway throw u temper.. but i realli realli realli cant control it i jus feel o fed up easily.. i can onli say sorry.. but i feel so upset.. u xian me fan.. i jus wan say out my feelin dun keep it inside myself.. dun wan it get worse.. but dun worry i wun tell u anymore.. so here i m online.. typing my feelings when i still hav tons of thing to study.. find someone to tok to... n i find von n guan.. sayin my feeling out to von.. i feel better.. thanks... if u realli wan me to be happy in front of u.. i will act out all those smile..laughter.. even if i m happy or not.. n i will jus cry to myself.. sorry if i make u moody again.. n thanks si von guan n jl for comforting me.. listening to me su ku.. hope u all dun xian me fan ending here... wait n wait n wait.. till exam is over...
* oINkz * ---- Wednesday, February 21, 2007 2:22 AM
wad a new yr.. i hate it to the cord.. worst till yr i have.. quarrel.. gana say.. gana scold.. stupid one.. wake up n get a scoldin for my stupid mum.. wad kind of rubbish is tis..i jus ask u in de end got go sentosa nt right.. den u jus scold me say DUNO LA DUN WAN GO DUN WAN GO LE.. den i got so fed up.. is my nephew yest say HE DUN WAN GO DE LO.. den she went on scoldin me.. den go in tell my papa.. i wake up find her quarrel.. say wad i no manner.. hey i ask u nicely lo.. u r de one tt say me back in tt way lo.. SOMEMORE MY NEPHEW IS DE ONE WHO SAY HE DUN WAN GO LAST NIGHT! jus y i alway hav to follow my nephew he wan go where i hav to go.. night time still wan go esplanade there.. HEY I M HAVIN EXAM LO! i say dun wan den say me say wad i nv go also nv study.. wad kind of mother is tis.. i cant study finish already lo.. den fail den kb me... my exam bigger or my nephew bigger.. it make me realli hate him!.. JUS WAD KIND OF MOTHER IS TIS! haix.. yest went to jx nai ma hse.. so weird.. all de ppl nv c b4.. den older den me also duno wad to say.. try to force in some word.. but realli hard ma.. dun even noe wad they tokin.. food i dun cook at all.. their young time i dun even spend wif them at all.. den job.. i dun even work at all.. ppl realli nth talk ma.. den darlin say me.. hurt me so badly.. haix.. i try le ma.. also nv tink i first time go.. i giv up my firework n study.. ended up gana say by darlin haix... den now today gana scold for no reason jus cox of askin... got go sentosa nt.. i hate this new yr to de cord..!!!!! cryin is all i have this new yr.. nt happiness at all... wait n wait n wait.. till de dayz I DIE..!
* oINkz * ---- Monday, February 19, 2007 4:32 PM
chinese new yr.. boring yr.. so damn boring.. haix.. haix... today is my day study at hm no no more relative pai nian.. wake up n duno where i wanna go again.. haix..yest go pai nian night ben lai can go esplanade tt de.. c firework work all tis ended up papa stay at one of his relative hse till so long.. den too late le cant go.. i m jus nt fated to go to tt place.. forget it.. wad a dayz.. still dun feel like tokin much.. wait wait n wait.. till de day my exam finish
* oINkz * ---- Sunday, February 18, 2007 4:25 PM
well.. its new yr now.. but i dun feel like any mood to celebrate it.. perhapz i jus dun hav much relative.. i m gettin to hate new yr as times go by.. yest was new yr eve.. n i spend my whole dayz hm.. sleeping.. slept at 1 and den si call me at 2 askin me wanna go out.. cox they r gg for pool.. tink n tink.. even if i go onli for 1hr den i hav to come hm le.. so i decided to stay hm.. hang up the phone n force myself bk to slp.. after lying for half an hr.. i finalli fall asleep.. n till 4 i wake up again.. lookin for things to do.. i find some vcd to watch... n mama keep peeping by my door.. duno whether is she saw me crying.. hope its nt.. den 5+.. dinner time.. eat some cox i m nt hungry.. den after tt si call me.. but i simply dun feel like tokin so i didnt tok much... awhile ltr we hung up.. thinkin of going slp again at 7+ but dun wan mama suspicious so i watch my vcd again instead.. den at 9.. i heard sound of firework.. i hate de sound.. n turn my tv louder... den i online lo.. den at 11+ i went sleep again wif tears... forcing myself to slp.. i jus hate to stay awake.. slp is better isnt it.. but somehw i still wake up.. dun wan to.. can i?? den lying on de bed sudd i heard de sound of "thunder" again.. so i used my booster to cover my ear i hate tt sound.. n there i cry to slp.. i wanted watch firework.. dun feel like stayin hm.. wanna go out n hav some few of new yr... but ended up.. none... wad a new yr i m havin i hate it.. since i hate de.. i shall hate it for de new few days.. study at hm baz.. anyway.. HAPPY PIG YR EVERYONE! its a yr of mine.. so hope u all enjoy it.. wait n wait n wait.. till de time i fall asleep again...
* oINkz * ---- Saturday, February 17, 2007 4:17 PM
想 想 我 真 的 后 悔 了 吗?? 好 象 我 快 要 后 悔 我 所 做 的 确 定.. 可 是 候 悔 了 又 能 做 舍 麽.. 自 从 这 个 确 定 以 后 有 时 我 变 得 好 不 快 乐.. 可 以 说 不 快 乐 比 快 多.. 只 是 我 把 他 藏 在 心 里.. 一 点 小 事 我 也 会 变 得 不 开 心.. 想 想 这 真 是 我 要 的 吗? 只 有 让 时 间 去 让 我 发 现 吧...
* oINkz * ---- Friday, February 16, 2007 8:11 PM
yawn.. finally a day where i can online.. haiz... exam for de past few days.. so many thing to study.. n quite sux actually... oh well.. 14th valentine.. most lovely dayz.. n of cox.. i spended my dayz wif................................... MY BOOKS! .. wad a PEFECT dayz... haix.. somemore cant study finish... n jus go exam like tt de next dayz.. haix... well 15th.. exam dayz again... 16th.. exam day again... was so tired by de end of paper.. jus feel like slping.. jus wondering who is de idiot whu set tis shedule for exam.. i properly kill u.. wad a day for exam man.. valentine n new yr.. haix... den went to darlin hse.. was sort of force there.. haha... i dun quite like ppl force me.. but depend on my mood.. den went out to makan... yawn~ well today is de 17th.. wake up feelin quite mOody.. duno y... tmr is chinese new yr.. i truely no festival mood.. maybe its bcox i dun hav much relative n exam.. haix.. duno can go where to hav festival mood.. sianz.. wake up n dun even noe my feeling .. duno wan go out or dun wan go out.... feelings gone.. jus like tt show.. haha.. haix..// endin here.. wait n wait n wait.. till de day where i become dead...
* oINkz * ---- 5:01 PM
well yest went out wif darlin to celebrate our 14th mths n also valentine days.. coz its de onli day avialble... book wif exam now.. haix.. pathetic.. we went to shop.. n i bought a new shoe.. hee.. darlin bought me fake roses for valentine day present... fake one r better wun wither.. haha... overall its a fun dayz.. haix.. nw my turn to bury inside bks but i realli feel so stress.. i cant study in.. duno y... sleepless night.. endless dreams haix,... so tired... sometime tinkin y muz i b born out.. hmm... tmr exam le.. hurhur wish me gd luck haha.. ending here.. wait n wait n wait till de day.. my life will end
* oINkz * ---- Monday, February 12, 2007 5:51 PM
well.. yest was a sleepless night for me.. duno y.. my sis make me fed up n i become sosososo pek chek.. tt i cried hugging my minnie mouse.. i jus sudd feel like tokin to ppl.. so tinkin whu can i call.. cox its kind of late 12am.. den niao came up my mind.. try my luck sms him.. n gd indeed he wasnt sleeping.. so here we r chatting.. but den i like tokin to de wall like tt..or rather a dustbin?? so.. after chatting for bout 45 min which is around 1am i hung up de phone.. n there i was dozing off to my dreamland.. well was fed up frm last night till now.. i've been like a slave for my sis.. everytime when me n her ard at hm.. I M ALWAY DE ONE BUYING LUNCH FOR HER...i jus dun understand y.. nt tt i mind.. but cant she jus buy one time for me.. she haven even buy me lunch ONCE at all.. den was sleepin in noon.. for 1 hr nia..den gana wake up by family..sayin my sis hav to deliver flower to her friend.. n there i was wif my family.. helpin her deliver flower.. still nt i mind.. but i jus feel like i m jus a slave.. even slave hav $.. but hav i get de $..?? nvm.. she is my SIS.. n i hav to tink it tt way.. well.. decision have been made.. n i cant change it anymore.. isnt it?? its all too late.. veri late.. feeling unclear.. mind confused.. so wad i hav to do..?? i realli duno.. but jus to onli follow de decision i once made.. valentine comin.. n its a days where i locked myself in bk.. pathetic isnt it..?? well tmr celebrating wif darlin ealier.. its de onli day free.. but i jus hope it will nt be a disappointment.. thats all i hav to write.. wait n wait n wait... till de dayz.. i nv regret de decision made.. hav i..?? yawn~
* oINkz * ---- Sunday, February 11, 2007 5:15 AM
well exam is on de way.. n yet i hav no mood to study... i jus feel so stress up n tired.. all i wanna do is to play..but i cant hav to wait till after my attachment which is mths after.. wonderin.. y i choosen tis course haix.. well today went darlin hse.. "study" but den.. play more den study lahz.. hurhur.. fun.. playin com... -__-" 我 真 的 不 知 道 自 己 心 里 的 感 觉.. 在 想 这 真 的 是 我 要 得 吗? 当 初 做 的 选 择 是 我 现 在 想 要 的 吗? 可 是 就 算 想 改 变 他 也 改 变 不 了 了.. 不 是 吗.. 烦 恼 或 去 想 也 只 会 让 自 己 不 开 心.. 我 还 能 改 变 他 吗? 因 该 很 难 吧? wait n wait n wait.. till de dayzz.. my heart n feelin settle dwn..
* oINkz * ---- Thursday, February 08, 2007 4:50 AM
hurhur.. darlin chicken pox is recovering.. hope all de pox pox disappear soon soon.. hee... yawn~ hee.. get the chinese software free from my frend.. "real" one sia.. muz make use of it.. 当 一 个 人 怀 疑 当 初 所 做 的 选 择 是 否 是 对 的.. 想 改 变 他 也 太 迟 了.. 因 为 所 发 生 的 生一 切 也 很 难 改 变.. 也 不 只 到 底 心 里 在 想 舍 麽.. 到 抵 当 初 的 选 择 是 所 是想 要 的 吗.. 想 改 也 改 不 了.. 所 以 只 好跟 着 这 样.. 不 是 吗? i noe veri cheam hee.. hurhur i realli miss those memories in sch.. hw i wish time could turn bk but it cant.. playin n chattin during recess.. i realli miss dar.. so close yet so far away... haha.. nice phase.. hee ending here.. wait n wait n wait.. till de dayz.. eee.. cant tink of one...
* oINkz * ---- Wednesday, February 07, 2007 6:11 AM
well yest was a sleepless night for me.. after hanging up wif darlin.. i simply cant sleep.. i lie there for hours plus n yet i still m awake.. n its duno till when i begin to fall aslp.. but.. my mind was nt slping jus my body.. n throughout de out night.. i tink i keep waiting up n mind was in a awake state.. guess tt i m nt realli slping throughout de night.. haix.. wad to do... sometimes.. jus wonderin m i a friend in ur eye.. refering to tt someone i tink wun come my blog.. tt particular someone.. it disappoint me.. i treated u as a close close friend.. lended u a hand when u nided help.. n wadsoever.. my bday wishes.. u said u miss de time where we joke n play tgt.. wonder when will b de next time tt will happen.. well..u didnt even take tt effort.. askin u out.. n yet u failed to even contact me again to confirm de time.. i jus so disappointed.. i feel tt u dun hav den chen yi wanna mit me.. jus upset bout it.. fine if tts wad u wan.. darlin darlin pox pox.. recovering?? i hope it is.. i wanna darlin wif me.. nt tt hard-hearted ppl.. wadever.. i wan darlin sniff sniff...
wait n wait n wait.. till de dayz.. where i feel happiness.. real happiness.. is tt possible?
* oINkz * ---- Sunday, February 04, 2007 4:51 PM
sob.. i m dwn wif a flu now.. sniff* sniff*.. tink cough is on de way to find me now.. shoot.. i dun like u.. u better dun come find me huh... well... yest went out wif si to study den mit jl n den gl come further bhind.. its was quite a fun day.. though we spend a lot of money.. hurhur.. sob.. broke!.. yeah.. we went shoppin.. a long time since de 4 of us come out like tt.. fun day.. i simply miss them.. glad to hav them wif me.. muackz..!! sad tt dardar exam is nw.. if nt i will ask her join us.. anyway we did take neoprint yest.. n it was guan suggestion huh.. hee.. it was nice... let me show u.. hurhur.. isnt tis nice..???  back to sch.. sweet memory.. a place where we noe one another...  Ahh.. GHOST!!!..hurhur..where is jialing leg again? she is forever missing her leg..  big face..  sniff.. darlin still havin his poxpox.. i m still sad bout it.. feel so weird though..HEY U TIS POX.. GO AWAY... HE IS MINE.. DUN SNATCH HIM FROM ME.. dun welcome u here... shoot.. better go away by 9feb.. shoot wait n wait n wait.. till de day darlin pox pox go away
* oINkz * ---- Saturday, February 03, 2007 5:11 PM
feelings are all mix up inside me now.. like a puzzle... i'm feelin so lonely.. n so so so lost.. duno wad i can do.. or what i feel like doin... all i can do nw.. is to study.. but i realli hav no mood for it.. study alone at hm.. make me hate it.. nth in life interest me now.. nth.. feelin so moody.. for the past few wks.. or month.. laughter n smile.. was jus one i fake out.. making myself occupied.. to put my tots away.. but wad can i do.. to occupied myself.. dun ask me wad i wan to do.. or where i wan to go.. i realli hav no clue.. for all i feel.. is lost.. n sadness.. for once i cried each day.. but nth make me happy.. tears drip now.. i duno hw i feel.. for every happi thing i look to.. jus lead me to another disappointment.. i miss my darlin.. whu is nw sick.. down with chicken pox.. wonder when he recover.. hope i nt on the way to depression.. hope its nt...
wait n wait n wait.. till when i wun feel so lost
* oINkz * ---- 4:53 PM
hmm.. today is quite a boring dayz.. study in sch till 6 wif friends.. cox tink tt de onli thing i can do for now.. i realli hav interest in doin anything but i jus wanna find things to occupy my mind.. i hate it when i'm alone.. n my mind will wonder off.. even when i m studyin my mind still will.. tats y i hate to study alone at hm.. cox things jus cant go in.. jus wonderin m i to depression? i jus feel lost n sad.. i feel tt there is nth realli interest me at all.. nt even pool i used to like.. n i m sad all de time... even cry for nth.. hai... today study wif them try hard nt to b sad but still duno y tears jus drip dwn.. i realli duno y.. but it was fun to study wif them.. coz at least there is someone wif me.. i m reali scared of being alone.. i jus feel so tired all de time.. but still i jus cant sleep well at night.. either i m keep dreamin or keep waking up at time n it took me hours to slp bk..i m jus so tired.. dead tired.. haix... niao ps me .. once again.. haix... alway like tt.. y?? alway when i m happi happi lookin forward to something.. disappointment also lead to an end.. y jus cant i hav tt thing i alway lookin forward to to happen.. its alway disppointment.. haix.. jus hope tt niao wasnt lieing to me.. i trust u.. workin yea.. if i find its a lie i will kill u.. i m evil u noe.. i miss darlin.. tink he de onli one whu can make me feel occupy wif lots n lots of ting to do.. wonderin when will his pox pox go away.. so tt he can acc me again.. friends r so busy nw.. either wif exam or project.. haiX.. darlin... pray pray pray wif deep inside my heart.. darlin to b well soon soon.. pox pox jus go away i dun like u.. endin here.. tmr will b a sad day for me.. sure.. is.. cox all alone again... wait n wait n wait.. till de days.. sadness go away.. but will it??
* oINkz * ---- Thursday, February 01, 2007 4:43 AM
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